I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
