You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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