I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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