I hate all girls vehemently.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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