i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize