this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
