I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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