Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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