Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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