Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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