the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
