You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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