it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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