I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
