Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
