This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How does one acquire holy water?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
