i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
