remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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