god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
