Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
