well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
