you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
