uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
