This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
