And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
