Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
