My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
as a side note pls kill me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
