On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
