So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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