Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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