You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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