oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
