Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
