Hippo gnu deer
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize