i jhust puked up my retainher.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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