Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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