hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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