Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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