Just fell off a train. Bad.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
