I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
