people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
