How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
