The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize