Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
