Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
