remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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