We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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