Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
