The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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