he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
