I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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