If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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