just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
