I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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