went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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