Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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