i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
