He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
