you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize