My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
