Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
