Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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