I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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