i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
