she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
