I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
