gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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