it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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