I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
